I usually do not use my blog to vent or
even to share random thoughts about my life.
I should more often. So today is that day.
Why is it so hard to be the mom?
Today, simply put, I don't want to be the mom.
I want to put dishes in the dishwasher without a 20 month old taking all the dirty dishes back out - usually putting dirty spoons in her mouth.
I want to be able to put my makeup on without tweedle-dee and the other tweedele-dee (I would never call her dum) hugging my legs dying for me to pick them up or at least give them the attention they so desperately seem to think they are starving for.
I want to be able to leave my house without having to fight someone to put shoes on, go potty, fight to leave the blanket home, sit in the car seat, etc.
I want to not be told, "mommy, I want to play play-doh, do you understand?", "Mommy, I want you to sit by me and watch Wall-E, right now, do you understand?", "Don't eat my chips, mom, do you understand?". Damnit... I do understand, I'm just ignoring you.
I want to be able to turn on a movie and not have to sit down by her. Doesn't she understand that I am paying that "babysitter" a lot to watch her for that time. Seriously.Geez.
I want to use the bathroom without an audience.
I want to sleep in.
I want Addison to not poop in the bathtub anymore.
I want Addison to not write on the walls.
I want no more runny noses.
I want the children to be in bed at 7:30pm.
I want to not to have to brush their teeth.
I want my husband to have an office manager. I'm tired of him babysitting all of his employees. It's exhausting for me. I know it is for him. We haven't seen him this entire week.
I want my husband to brush their teeth again.
I want my husband.
I want to loose 8 inches off of my waist.
I want to have my beautiful long hair back.
I want to HATE carbs. I so do not. I love them.
I want to be a good... no EXCELLENT mother.
I want to not feel the undying guilt of being a mother.
I want to know that I am producing responsible, hard working
citizens of the world.
I want to know that I am helping my children combat Satan
everyday of their lives.
I want to know that they are gaining a testimony of who
they are as a child of God.
I want to know that I am teaching them in a way they will respond too.
I want them to know how much I love them.
I want to pray, always.
I know that King Benjamin exhorted his people
to impart of their substance to the poor and feed the hungry,
clothe the naked, etc...
"according to their wants". mosiah 4:26.
I know I want to have freedom at times... and I know that one day I will get what I want. On that day, some of the wants will be welcomed... but most... especially the wants of my 2 little ones and the frequent headaches they cause ... I will be sad they've grown. I hope when they all do... they will say...
"I want all that my mother wanted for me." Hopefully they will still want me.
P.S. I want to gobble her up. Crazy hair and all.

My little social-lite.
